Monday, January 5, 2009

Head Fake

I have some vague notion of New Year's resolutions for 2009. They are floating around in my head but I cannot seem to commit to them yet. I am trying to decide if it reasonable at this point to commit to a goal at this point. The baby is five months old and I used Matthew as an excuse for a long time with reference to losing weight. I MIGHT be doing this with Marisa and my weight again. I also always make the same goals, plans and have the same thoughts repeatedly but never stick to them and then I end up feeling terrible for actually saying them and never sticking to them. This year my main goal is to be more intentional. Whatever the hell that means you are thinking but I am serious. I never had a word for this until recently when some gave me the word and then it dawned on me how being intentional is what has made things happen in my life. If I intend something it will happen. Life is not about being lucky or being in the right place, it is about determining my fate and knowing there is no other way but that intention. That is what makes people successful in life or at least that is how I currently feel.

I am intending to lose the last five lbs of weight I had before I got pregnant last year. Then I am intending to get down 10 more lbs to the weight I was before I got pregnant with Matthew. It would be lovely to include running in there and get back into running in actual races like I used to do but that be more intentional then I want to get in 2009 because if you do the math that is 15 lbs of intentions right there!

I also want to be a better wife and mother. A better friend and daughter. I am intending to do that and I know what I need to do in order to be these things. Now I just need to get enough sleep and take care of myself a little bit in order to do these things so I guess I am intending to carve out some time to take care of me better whatever that might include. I intend to take a yoga class starting next month. I think this will give me time and also contribute to that 15 lbs worth of intention from up there.

I intend to read more again and learn more about photography. I want to take a class or two in photography but that might have to wait until 2010. We will see.

Kevin and I have set out a way to save money for the new year. We actually put most of our money into savings and investments as well as day care but we decided to drastically cut spending by giving ourselves a small allowance. Can I just tell you that we have been doing this for all of five days and I have already spend all but $20 of my $100 bucks?!?! WTF. Not fair when that includes my hair dresser and her tips. Dude. But it is also an excellent exercise in figuring out how we spend money and on what. It had made me think about how to spend and what I need and do not need but dang it is hard plus ummm at the rate I am going I am SO screwed... But anyway we intend to gain some further strength in the financial department.

If you are wondering what on earth is this crazy hippie lady talking about I have this firm belief that we hear in life what we need to learn but if we are not listening we will not learn. (OMG I am a freak.) If we mindlessly ignore things then we will always be dissatisfied with things, whatever those things might be. For the past three years I have been told about intentions indirectly but I clearly chose ignore the people telling me about this. I read The Tipping Point three years ago and reading this book just my outlook for a little while but I went back to my old way of thinking. Then recently someone gave me the word intention and how it can change my life, the way I think and lo it is true but holy crap is it hard to change. I am still struggling with it but I figure the best place to start is with writing it down.

Also if you are curious about intentions further (but why you crazed woman?!), check out What the Bleep Do We Know?! or read more about intentions or read this article from the people in the UK who have figured out how to read intentions through brain scans. I think Randy Pausch (The Last Lecture - an amazing easy little read, totally check it out. It made me sob uncontrollably at the thought of leaving my kids so young and also resolve to be a better person in this world all at once!) would have called some of this a "head fake" but if it works for me, it works!

All right-y back to your regularly scheduled lives because mine is just WEIRD!
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