Monday, May 25, 2009

Exploration and Renewal

Entertaining a four year old is harder then I thought it would be! Matthew can now play on his own which rocks and he totally goes in his room and has entire conversations with himself, making whole scenes out of Lincoln logs and Matchbox cars, telling stories while I try to get Marisa to nap. Try being purely an operative word here. Please note there was ZERO success. Suddenly in recent months, Matthew has become increasingly bored with me & Kevin. ME?! Kevin?! WTH!? He looks at me side ways and asks if he can watch TV rather then play cars with me. He wonders who we can call to see if they are available to play. He wants to play at crowded busy parks which is not my speed but he loves to meet new kids, making friends with ease. He wants to do, go, be involved in everything and suddenly he can be. He wants friends and wants to learn and asks even more questions then he used to. I know, right?! Is that possible!?

I am finding that B-town can be kind of boring for a four year old and a nine month old. Obviously Matthew needs stimulation in the form of other kids and learning. Meanwhile Marisa just needs me and dude I SO do not want that stomach flu again from a few months back... or any other highly contagious disease for that matter! Nursing through the stomach flu sucked it.

I found a new park in my desperation to find something to do this weekend. I used to have a favorite park in the O park but since we started going there when Matthew was a wee tot seems to have become more "popular" and busy and I have had several negative experiences there. The C park and B park were already popular and busy and oddly sort of clique-y. Like you need to know the people who hang there or else no one will chat with you and neither will their kids. Weird (also maybe this is just me... I understand it may be different for everyone!)

I decided to check out a park in a neighborhood where we were going to buy a house before we settled on our present house. It is the SE park and it rocks. To date, there is hardly anyone there, it has a beautiful actual park like setting with huge green trees, a basketball court, tennis courts, a super cool clean brand new park set, and a bubbling stream nearby. Seemingly no one knows about this place. I drive by this park all the time at varying times of the day and week and never see a soul.

I am in love. So was Matthew. At first he did not want to go but once I coaxed him on the play set, he actually requested to go back and that we did! Matthew had a ball running-climbing-sliding-screaming with delight while Marisa and I sat on the shady grassy sloping hill nearby picking grass and dandelions watching the world lazily pass us by.

The one thing that my brother reminded me of in a recent email is that I need to get back to exploring. I have always been an explorer by nature. Looking for new places to go and things to see but lately I have felt stuck in a rut. Going to the same places and doing the same things. I have been finding myself bored and miserable as a result. It does not just have to be exploration of places but just being open, learning, getting back to seeing what is out there, what is new... rather than being unsatisfied with what I already know. Living life to the fullest and letting go of the worries that pile up. It is just not worth it at the end. It is not worth it for me or for them. I felt renewal this weekend even in the midst of exhaustion, frustration, saddness...


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