Thursday, June 11, 2009

Fiercely Learning

I love that Matthew asks for help to get ready in the morning (this will not always be the case.) Even if I am running late, I "help" him because it makes him so happy. He was SO excited to wear his "new" Spiderman undies this morning which are not new but have been at the bottom of the pile for a while. He was thrilled to see them again. It reminded me that life is simple - that we do not need a crap load of stuff to make us happy - we just need to hide the things that made us happy at first, find them and see how the happiness can flow again. Like squeezing out a wet cloth - we can always get a few more drops out of the cloth.

Matthew loves his shows and he stares at them in the zone watching Sid or Tigger playfully teaching on screen. I remember waking up as a kid and slinking down the stairs to watch TV on Saturday mornings while everyone else slept. In the cooler months, I would hunch over the heater grate by the window and watch shows that make up a tiny part of the fabric of my childhood. There was much less TV for kids back in the day then there is now. Looking back I am glad for that. I created an elaborate fantasy world out in my yard with Barbies & GI Joe and pretend horses and piles of books from the library. I hope that Matthew learns to be creative with what he has versus what he sees on a TV screen much the way I did. I hope that he can make up a story in his head as well as he can see one on a TV screen.

Matthew is so tan and lean and all boy. He is changing in subtle ways. He talks non stop, asking complicated intricate questions about things he sees & hears. He was actually listening to a NPR news report on the radio with Kevin and he heard about that fire that killed the children in that Mexican preschool. He told me about it, mournfully.

He flings himself from his bike, scaring not just me but the neighbor (!) and he falls down face first at camp while playing. When we ask him if these things hurt, is he okay he just looks at us... "DUH, yes of course I am okay" his face says - he is not scared about things like he used to, he is more fearless.

He is excited by life, he throws things off the deck and clambers down the stairs to see what happened to them. He is infinitely fascinated by things that he extracts from the earth - geodes, fossils, worms! He plays with his toys on his own and I can hear him murmuring to himself,making up stories, seeing beyond just metal, wood and plastic into an eloborate fantasy world. I remember to keep looking at things from a different perspective.

Matthew is a passionate four year old, as he should be. He learns fiercely. He loves fiercely. He gets angry fiercely. He is fierce. He takes life by its horns and shakes it to see what will happen. I am so glad for Matthew - that he is my son, my baby, my big boy. That he is here today to remind to take life by the horns and shake it up. To be fearless and fearful. To listen and be creative and learn at every turn. My Matthew. I am SO proud of him.
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