Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Lurching About In Awe

Marisa is getting better at walking day by day. She started out with her arms above her head which gave her a terrible center of gravity. Now she is more Frankenstein-ish with her arms straight out in front of her. She still staggers about like a drunken sailor but she basically walks to get where she needs to these days. Of course, crawling is still the fastest mode of transport and if she really wants something BAD, she crawls.

I tried to hold her hands to help her walk last evening. And where she used to grip my fingers tightly for support last night she simply pushed my hands away. I was actually making her unstable in trying to help her walk. She did not need me for this task any more - I have served my purpose in helping her to become a biped! I think for me of all the milestones babies go through the most amazing of all is the ability to learn to walk. I think it is the whole Physiology of it all. The fact that nerves and muscles and brain functions and determination are all involved. The Evolutionary response to being a helpless being to becoming a being who can fend for ones self (relatively speaking of course ;) It is amazing quite frankly.

I am in awe of her ability to focus more and more. I remember this distinctly with Matthew. This little being who is watching and listening and aware of everything that is happening, learning from all that is around them. I mentioned this in passing the other day but we can ask her questions like 'Where is Lucy?' and she will look specifically for Lucy. I can ask her if she wants to nurse and she will pat my chest in response and squeeze her chubby fist together and look earnestly into my eyes. If we tell her to chew her food and show her how to chew she does and is amused to no end by the crunching noise her teeth make with certain foods.

The other day she did what amounts to a sentence in sign language 'Eat More' she "said"! She says 'momma' and 'dadda' and her whole posture changes when we walk in the door. She barely hears our voices and she comes hurtling around the corner to see us a wide grin and a rumble of a giggle emanating from her chest. She interacts with Kevin very differently then she does with me. I think while she adores Matthew she is trying to make heads and tails of the rambunctious dirty loud little person who at one moment dotes on her and the next is pummelling her, trying to choke her with his blanket - unintentionally, OF COURSE.

Matthew has a rapt audience and he knows it. He hams it up in front of her. He is also realizing that he can be more physical with her. That is good and bad. We can now all play a form of ball together. But he wants to wrestle with her and he tries to 'handle' her more. She is not ready for that and shrieks at him to stop. Ashley and I both think that when she can fully understand what her hands can do that she will haul off and punch him one of these days.

Then again she spends her time trying to chase down Matthew and you can see the look that crosses her face when she is about to do something that she should not. Lately that has been getting the door stops off the wall and chewing on them. She is humored by the fact that she can now close the door to her room and will play in there but giggles unbelievably when I open the door to look in on her (note: I do not leave her alone in there for more than 30 seconds.)

She is leaner and stronger and growing so fast, up and away and I cannot believe it. That in 40 days I will be celebrating her first birthday. I am in awe and disbelief about that... How did time speed by with her like this? I will no longer really be counting her life in weeks and months but in years, in just forty days. That this year has gone by so very quickly, warp speed even.

I know I have commented on Marisa's growth a lot recently. Like I am in disbelieve over her tremendous growth and development. Like I have not already been through all this before with Matthew. But I am in disbelief. I continue to stand in awe of her amazingly speedy growth and development because it seems to be going by so quickly. Much more quickly then it ever did with Matthew, or so it seems. I am trying to write down as much as possible repeatedly to both get it through my thick skull that she is not a tiny baby any more and that this time is passing by. That there is no going back. Today will only happen once and tomorrow she will be vastly different. I do not want to forget and I want to drink it all in. My baby, my last baby.
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