Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Getting Back

I ebb and flow with taking photos. Last week I loaned my camera to a friend and now the batteries need to be charged. SO I have not taken any photos lately. I do not regret these lapses because sometimes I find myself with the camera stuck to my eye and not enjoying the moment as much as I should.

Though there are times lately when I have wished I could capture things about my kids with a camera but those moments are almost impossible to get on a camera. They are silly small moments. It is the look on Marisa's face when I walk in the door and she walks over like a cowboy who just got off his horse with a grin a mile wide and she is giggling madly. Or how hard Matthew laughs when I tickle him and how he says stop but the sheer joy in his eyes says keep going forever.

I am really enjoying summer this year! Last year I was hugely pregnant and miserable with any spike in heat. This year I am enjoying all the things I struggled doing last year. I am particularly loving being outside gardening. Especially the flowers in the front. It is the simple things that I appreciate like bending easily to pull a weed or squatting to tend to the flowers. Sheer heaven. I have been doing the watering (when needed) and the weeds/cutting of the dead flowers right at dusk. It is my favorite time of day. It is so quiet in our part of the world - it is why I love where we live in a small town, a small neighborhood. The birds are singing and the crickets chirp and it smells of fresh cut grass and a bonfire almost every night.

I am also enjoying make-up and clothing again. I have not bought any new clothes yet. I have no plans to do that until the fall when I will need it but I am having fun enjoying fashion again. Something I always loved but gave up enjoying for the most part since having kids. I have not picked up a fashion mag in over four years and yet I find myself moving away from the parenting magazines and edging back to the Vogue and Elle keen to learn what is happening in that world again! I even bought some new Mac make-up recently and it has been fun playing with eye shadows again. It feels weird to care about it. Like I am doing something I should not and that is weird because it is good to feel good, right?!

Still, those smiles? Those smiles are what motivate me. I would give up gardening and fashion just to be with my babies more often, every moment if I could. I hope. I think about what the future holds for us and it seems crazy to hope... that I can one day soon be with them more often. That if things happen the way they might we are forever tied to this town, but in the best way possible. Depending on how things go maybe sooner than I think I can spend much more time with my babies. I hope.
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