Sunday, September 27, 2009

Out Run It

How do I explain the *BIG* race. It was momentous for me. I ran the gamut of emotions. I was horribly nervous the 24 hours before the race morning and my nerves were even worse the morning of the race. It was a good thing that I had Matthew's run to distract me. He was nervous and excited for both of us! He did fantastic. He basically ran the whole way without stopping really for a whole mile! So proud. Marisa was such a good girl and mostly stayed put in the jog stroller.

I agreed to try to keep pace with Melissa and Nate before the race knowing I would likely not make it the whole way on their pace. We started out waiting in the crowd and I looked around and was awed by the amount of people. How great it was to see so many young faces in the crowd. And then to see the signs - on people's backs and in the air.

The race started and of course we were crowded but off we went. A little unsure about the whether it was really the start or not! The first part of the first mile was okay but by the time I hit the 2nd small hill I knew I was in for it. The hills just killed me.

My throat went numb and I had this foul taste in my mouth. I was grateful to have friends to run with during that 1st mile and got me out fast (way faster then I imagined!) Did I mention my goal time was to get between 30-35 minutes.

Melissa and Nate took off and I stuck to my pace though I felt like I was running through over done pudding, mud, something horribly uncomfortably thick. My chest was exploding with pain by the time I got to the 2nd mile. I was letting my mind mess with me and the whole 2nd mile was retched. By the time, I ran past the timer on mile 2 I thought I am just going to give up. I turned the negative thoughts off and just ran. I thought about Zachary and all that he fought for to live, that charming smile and impish personality he had up until the very very end of his life.

I thought of Barb and how much she enjoyed Matthew and Marisa. How proud she was of Kevin always. She was devoted, often a spirit to reckoned with. How she took such wonderful care of hundreds of patients in the Cardiology unit every day for so many years. Tears welled up and I knew no matter how awful I felt right then I would okay. I set my mind to it. I was going to be just fine. Okay those thoughts helped and the girl who ran off the course to throw up. I was NOT going to stop OR throw up! SO I kept going.

I saw my friend, Annie and her kids, and we shouted to one another. It broke the spell and I just enjoyed the last bit of the race entirely. We ran into the stadium and I saw Kevin, Matthew, Miss Marisa and Ann. It was so great - there are so many reasons it was great - too many to explain here. And I thought surely the time was wrong as I ran past and heard my name and time. Surely I did not get THAT time. But I did.

I did well and I felt so happy to be done, to have accomplished a goal set out so many months ago, to be alive and well and strong and filled with hope for future.
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