Tuesday, October 13, 2009

On Roller Coaster Rides

So this weekend went well. Kevin and I basically took a 3.5 day weekend as Ashley had a baseball tournament. We had a great time all around. Lots of playing inside and out.

My total mileage for running from Thursday to Sunday was 15 miles which was unintentional and I was sore as hell but I feel good about doing that kind of mileage in that period of time AND surviving.

We celebrated Canadian Thanksgiving with a roast beast and all of the fixin's Sunday including homemade dessert - Apple Crisp and vanilla bean ice cream. It was delicious both Sunday and yesterday. I love the holidays for the sake of leftovers!

We hit an amazing apple orchard and had a lovely time, albeit chilly, with friends. I am hoping to make some fresh apple sauce with the apples I bought. I would like to make enough to eat and freeze along with the cranberry sauce in the freezer! I am all about freezing stuff lately!

We ran a boat load of errands - we exchanged Matthew's too small costume for a larger size and I bought the wrong picture frame from Kohls so I had to return that. There were groceries, an oil change, multiple Starbucks runs, a Target/Kohls run, and a play date along with all kinds of silly fun things throughout the weekend.

Kevin and I continued our at home date night on Saturday evening - we enjoyed Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium. I absolutely loved this movie though I know it did not get the best ratings. There are some great learning modules in the movie and while the story did seem a bit stuttering it was a lovely movie over all.

In all what a weekend! I seriously could not ask for a better weekend/life/happiness level as this past weekend.

Mostly the thing that is currently stuck in my craw is that on the 11th, that date marked the one month mark till I turn 36. Seriously. 36. When did that happen. How did that happen. Why do I still feel like I am 26? I forget entirely that I must appear to be an adult to people and not an uncomfortable teen or 20 something. When I turned 35 last year it felt like this huge milestone to me in my mind. I had this sense all year that if I ignored the fact that was I going to be 36 and 37 and 38 after that I would wallow in it. Wallow in what you ask? I guess the fact that I am not a kid anymore. I am all growed up, you know?!

For instance, when I sent to the Dave Matthews concert this summer we got to the venue and the girl I was with said "I think I am going to get a beer." I concurred so we went to get a beer. All of sudden I panicked and looked at her with this look of panic - 'OMG', I said, 'I forgot my id'. The look on her face was priceless. And of course the ladies did not bat an eye - they did not ask for an ID at all. Good example. Until recently I was always carded. Now? It never happens anymore. I have surpassed that age where I even remotely look like I need to be carded. Old, right?

Then there is the subject of lines and grays. My hair is graying and not in that majestic beautiful silver haired beauty thing. I have wiry WILD hairs. They stand up on end and no amount of product stops them from doing this. Now I know why my mom colored her hair for like FOREVER. I have laugh lines and it is much much harder to lose weight. Matthew was rubbing my hand the other day and I was stunned. My hand... looked like my mom's did when I was a kid. As in... OLD with veins and the beginnings of wrinkles and freckles which no amount of hand cream seems to stop.

I know that 36 is not the end of the world. I know I am young especially when I compare myself against my cohorts in my office whose collective average age is about 55. But still... it is the slow meandering process of aging that used to seem so far off. That now is here. I used to read fashion magazines and scoff at the 30s, 40s and 50s sections. Ah, I will not have gray hair, or wrinkles. Bahahahaha... that will NEVER happen to me. What is this hard time losing weight bull shit? It is a lie.

And yet I say spluttering all over myself... this aging stuff - it is all true. It is part of life, growth, aging and change. That I am not the spry young girl I often think of myself as in my mind's eye. But a woman, with wrinkles and some fat and gray hairs, aches and pains and less flexibility. A mom having survived two pregnancies and staying up half the night for years on end.

And while I get a little nervous, or scared about growing old in some ways this is not the end of the world it might have once seemed. That growing older has given me confidence and a happiness that I never excepted when I was younger. A larger ability to forgive and forget things that once seemed SO important and focus on and enjoy things much more. That aging has allowed me the gift of letting go of petty hang ups and overlook people's imperfections/perfectionism. That clothing and cars and houses do not make a person but the depth and beauty of the soul make a person. That being socially uncomfortable is okay. That letting it all hang out is a good thing some times. Asking for and receiving help is a truly wonderful gift that mankind can give one another. The more we give and take, the more we help and work together the better and stronger members of our community we are. That being me can be a challenge but I am happy to be on the ride that life is offering me.

I feel blessed and scared and thrilled to be on this ride. So bring it on 36 bring it on!
Post a Comment