Ah just trying to get rid of that last lame post. I think the cuteness of skipping that threw me.
I would much rather talk about running! You: Oh fuck lady SHUT. UP.
But seriously. It is addictive. I find myself dying and yet wildly fired up during my runs lately. A weird combination of adrenaline and sadly aches and pains that seemingly signify that I am getting old. That not only am I am getting old it makes me wish I was had not abused my body so back in the day. I believe year around swimming/weight lifting/plyos/cross training for a huge chunk of my life really did a fair share of the damage. Add in years of obsessive working out after I finished swimming to “stay thin” in the most unhealthful of way including eating next to nothing. Topped off with massive drinking binges fueled by... nebulously "other things", I am a sad shell physically at times.
Oh did I mention two pregnancies? Because all of the working out I have done these nine months (coincidental? I THINK NOT!) leaves me with this layer of fat (?) around my tummy that sort of resembles a Shar-pei dog’s skin. Nothing I do seemingly will make it magically disappear. Skin is kind of weird like that, eh? Like we are totally taught that skin is elastic and can bounce back and all that crap. I call this supposed elastic skin theory bull shit when it comes to child birth. My tummy has NOT bounced back.
Oh shit. I have gotten off task. I started looking at my training schedule for the next two weeks and I made the fatal error of considering ahead of time what I have to do in the coming weeks.
Remember my rule; never look ahead at your training schedule? YUP. Scared myself TO DEATH. I made myself stop looking. But it is kind of too late. Now I am just trying to concentrate on each run as they come again but I keep thinking HOLY FUCK a 15k?!?! How much is that anyway? A LOT is my pat answer.
Then I weep a bit. Not really but I am nervous about how my body will hold up. My shins are aching already. My hip pain is starting to flair back up. My wrist which I am quite sure is carpal tunnel syndrome outright hurts when I run. My neck hurts most mornings so I have to take some Tylenol because I can feel the beginnings of a headache. And I have a massive blister that I had to finally pop yesterday on my left big toe and gawd does that hurt like mad!
I feel pathetic but I go back for more each night. And I started at the mental equivalent of mumbling like a crazy old woman on the street to myself. “I cannot do this; I do not want to do this; I will only do 25 minutes of tempo run tonight rather than 35 minutes.”
But slowly I stop watching the clock, the distance and I just run. And something else takes over. My mind goes sort of numb. It only knows the running, the pace, the thumping on the track/treadmill/road. And I stop mumbling and the aches magically hide themselves. And I look down and I am at 33 minutes of that tempo run. I cheer (in my head) (I hope?!) that there are only two more minutes. YEAH!! And then it is done. And as the adrenaline subsides and I ache all over, I wonder how I will come back to do it again tomorrow. But I know I will.
Training is hard. Training is like boot camp where the trainer is me and I am a bitch to deal with. But the one thing I know for sure is that if I do not have a goal or something to "train" for I get all soft on me (I am no Jillian let’s face it). I sit back with nothing to do. I cannot just do something without a goal. I cannot just sit back and enjoy life and work out for fun. I like the sense of accomplishment training gives me, the means to an end. I like the idea of just recreationally running but I am not quite sure I can achieve that goal without failing miserably. So I train and plot my next race.
I will run in my first 5k of the year on March 27th. I am planning to run my first EVER 10k in April. And then the half marathon in May. I may throw in one other 5k just for funzies. There is nothing better than training to finish a race. The sense of accomplishment and pride is amazing so I keep training, without pause, aches and all.