I pulled the big blue rocking chair over to the window in Marisa's room and we sat in front of the window most of the day Sunday. It was raining out sometimes hard and loud but mostly just a gentle whisper of rain that landed on the world making it obscenely wet and green. All of the feeders were filled in the front yard with corn feed and thistle. There are currently four feeders. We are THOSE people inviting the birdies into our yard. I love that Marisa has this window on the world. I have mentioned this before. At first I was nervous about their rooms being in the front of the house overlooking the street. I thought if there were loud trucks it would be bad and privacy was a concern. But I am glad that they both can watch the world go by. I am glad that my bird obsessed daughter can happily sit in my lap on the big blue rocker cuddling with me for hours quietly with occasional shouts about this bird or that bird or the guy running by with his VERY wet dog or the big truck that drove by or Larry and Rosalyn coming home from church. She will stand or sit for many long minutes in happy quietude punctuated by shouts of glee at the things she sees. She loves this window.
Matthew and Kevin were gone for a good five hours on Sunday for back to back birthday parties. And being out with Marisa is a bear these days: in the cart, out of the cart, in the stroller, out of the stroller, hunger, NO not THOSE goldfish that granola bar, pushing, pulling, kicking, screaming... We braved the market as we needed groceries but that is it. At first, when we arrived home, it was misery. Toddler rage and sadness that she was not the complete center of attention as I prepared dinner and put the dishes and groceries away. She is filled with so many emotions lately. She was teething madly for two weeks and nothing could satisfy her. It is so up and down and the time seems so long and short and I want to enjoy it but sometimes it is hard. Oh how I forgot about 20 months. I forgot about the range of emotions, and the learning and growth ramps up in different more subtle ways that can be sweet but also brain numbingly painful.
Marisa is covered seemingly head to toe in bruises and scrapes. She tries with all her might to keep up with Matthew and, sometimes the neighbor girl, Olivia, a fairly common fixture around our house on the weekends. She trips and falls and scrambles up. She hardly ever cries, just up and at ‘em back to the chase! Her first seriously skinned knee that oozed blood happened the other day. I remember tearing up when this happened to Matthew, feeling desperately sad for his little injury. With Marisa, I feel stronger, more in control. We rushed inside and filled the sink with warm water and gently patted away the blood and dirt. She smiled, laughed about this. And she thought the Spiderman band aid was the bee's knees showing it off to the kids when we returned outside.
She is up in the morning, early, ready to go but not to see Matthew, not me, and not Kevin but the DAWGSSSS. Or as she now calls the dogs, BIG BEASTS. Yesterday, she spent the entire day spouting off about Pe-zzza (pizza). We honored her request and Avers’ it was! She did not say this word just last week. It is coming fast and furious now. She tries on words spitting them out and trying again. Matthew gets her to say the most and she giggles at each new word he throws at her.
They love each other so very much and my heart soars. Matthew started a game at the dinner table where he pretends to throw something to Marisa and she needs to catch it. Then she throws it back to him and he eats it. They sparkle in one another's presence.
I stopped the evening nursing all together. Cold turkey. She asks but we read instead. I quietly mourn and celebrate the end of it.
She has her definite likes and dislikes. She picks out her own little outfits most days. She likes hats and shoes. She is Miss Independent putting on her own clothing, often she will wear her shirt backwards all day but darn it she did it herself!
She loves the outdoors. She loves baseball. She loves riding in the wagon or the little car and going FAST. She pushes the mower around and picks at the grass/dirt/flowers. Interacting with nature on such a different level than I imagine I do. And, of course, the birds. Bird! BIRD! And so I relish sitting in the big blue chair quietly with my 20 month old watching all of the flora and fauna, all of the activity out her window because it is rare to enjoy that kind of quiet with her any more.