Friday, April 30, 2010

Cliff Diving

Sigh.  Breaks are good.  SO the other night I spent about an hour staring at the Indianapolis Mini Marathon web site, possibly drooling with fear and trying not to pee my pants. 

I am scared.  Nervous.  SCARED.  EEEEEK.  I do not know if I can do this.  Not sure I can get my head around it all.  I was going to skip the pre race expo and have a friend pick up my packet of stuff but I have changed my mind and decided to go.  I have no clue where I am going and I figure by going to the expo the day before I can get a lay of the land. 

Okay that and I figured I can sneak a quick shopping trip into Nordstrom's.  Oh how I miss me some Nordstrom's shopping.  It is overpriced, pretentious and snobby but they have THE best shoe and make up departments on EARTH!   MAC and Bobbi Brown and Prescriptives how I miss thee...  I used to go there a lot when I was growing up and sadly there is only ONE in the whole state of Indiana.  This may be a good thing.  Oh and I can go to the GAP and the Loft and... Expo for what?  Yeah maybe a shopping trip is not such a good idea!

So I am in corral F.  This corral thing just makes me feel like a horse and concidentally did you all know the Kentucky Derby is this weekend?  Mint Julips anyone???!!!  My most favorite SPORTING event on earth.  I love the derby and one day I will ACTUALLY go and I will not be in the infield with the jean short wearing drunks but I will be wearing a loverly hat and a floral print dress up in the stands with all the purty people!  I am feeling my usual random self again so there's that. 

The more I think about the whole running thing I am pretty geeked.  I made it!  I did this.  ALL ON MY OWN.  I managed to find the time without losing time from my kids.  I managed to get through seemingly a dozen injuries, aches and pains.  I managed to do it all with a smile on my face.  There were definitely times when I wanted to quit, to end it all and just say "WELL I tried..."  In June, it will be 1 year since I got back to running and I am grateful for that. 

I have gained perspective on my life, who I want in it and how I want to live it.  I have gained focus and strength not just in my body but in my mind.  I realized those early weak years when Matthew was young proved to be produced entirely by me.  I realize that I am so happy with my life that anything from the past is just that, the PAST but also that the past is a part of me but it is not who I am today. 

Both my kids like to run and race and I know they hear and see both Kevin and I going out to run and I am glad that even at this age they know health and fitness is a lifestyle.  It is important and good and that itself makes me HAPPY!

In taking a break from writing, I have decided to write less (in general as well as) about the kids and rather highlight where happiness comes from for us.  I feel like I am evolving and my kids are evolving and I am standing on the edge of a cliff looking down with many changes and uncertainties that lay ahead this year and with these changes (and I firmly believe change is good)  happiness shows itself in many ways!  I cannot buy or force happiness.  I can only make my own happiness. If I let others actions (or lack of action) piss me off than I am not going to enjoy every day and that is just plain stoopid on my part! 

I control my own destiny.   

To that end, I have found a 1/2 dozen new blogs to read as of late.  I am happy about this because I am looking for stuff to lift me up, help me feel better when I am down, when life is dealing me lemons I have some places to remind me dude life is fucking awesome and get over your whiny feel sorry for myself feelings RIGHT NOW.

Any who, this one just made me smile like mad today. 

Another thing I am happy about is working on the kid's rooms this summer!  I just bought new wall decals for the kids and I am SO excited to see how their rooms start to take shape over the next few months and how much they look at their wall art and ask about it and smile over it and that warms my heart! 

"You must burn with passion for this earth and for all the splendor it can give you" - Ayn Rand
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