Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Button Pushing

I did not post photos last night... obviously.  Tonight, maybe?  Eh, am lazy about some things. 

Marisa is going through a "stage" right now.  Me, silently to myself almost every day: "Please oh please oh please let this be a stage."  She will be 23 months old on the 2nd.  I am trying to decide whether I ought to just lock her in her room until she turns 6-ish.  Obviously this is not an option. 

It feels like she has been way more challenging then Matthew was for one good reason that Kevin pointed out to me.  With Matthew at this age, it was a one on one thing.  If I was cooking dinner, Kevin was entertaining him, for instance.  Now we divide and conquer a lot.  I am all for fam time (and trust me we get plenty of that!) but we also like to have special time for each kid. 

Matthew is doing T-ball right now so Kevin and I are splitting up going to that.  It is not that we do not want to both see him playing but if we all go one of us spends the entire time chasing Marisa off the field, chasing Marisa out of the parking lot, chasing Marisa away from the open door to the pool... you get the picture.  Essentially not watching Matthew play T-ball.  By having just one of us there, we can focus on Matthew and Marisa as individuals.  Plus I did not mind attending my siblings events SOME TIMES as a kid but it was definitely a drag when I had to go to everything all the time and I remember feeling special when I got to hang with just my mom or dad.  Or at least that is what I distinctly remember feeling around Matthew's age!

Any who, usually this goes super well, swimmingly even.  However, last night was not the case with Marisa.  And you know what I think?  I think she was PISSED that Kevin and Matthew left to T-ball without her and she did not have my UNDIVIDED attention while I made dinner.  It was misery the entire time they were gone.  It was like the devil took over her body and mind.  I was near tears by the time the boys got home.  I felt stressed and a failure and ZOMG I remember feeling this way with Matthew at this age and promising it would be different with the next child.  AND IT IS NOT!  Nope.  Of course, I learned my lesson.  I will do what the original intention was which was to spend special time with Marisa.  It would have been better if she did not need to fight for my attention the whole time.  It was no better then if we had just gone to T-ball.  Dinner will be sandwiches or something easy to put together when everyone is home at 6:45p rather then something I need to cook on the stove.

Even beyond last night's debacle, Marisa has become more challenging.  She runs away from us into TRAFFIC, giggling.  She bites, and scratches and pinches.  Gawd the pinching.  She wants to do everything herself and gets frustrated beyond words when she cannot achieve what she wants to do the way she wants to do it.   She has always been an independent little cuss but it is in overdrive right now.  I know this is developmental and what not but I would like to catch a small break.  Please?!  PLEASE. 

The most frightening thing about Marisa is that she is like mini me.  Karma, man, Karma.  I see so much of me in her, it is painful at times.  I hardly ever felt that way about Matthew.  Matthew was more of mix of the two of us and probably even leaning more toward Kevin, especially these days.  Maybe I am wrong.

Matthew likes to look at everything from afar.  He is tentative.  He will examine a situation, take it apart in his mind and rebuild it.  He will ask dozens of questions about things, how they work, why they do it that way and not this way.  He will touch and explore the world before he assesses an opinion about it.  He is always creating a hypothesis, trying to figure out what will happen before it actually happens.  He easily gets numbers and science and reading and he is just smart... like Kevin.  There is an ease to this intelligence I just have never possessed and Kevin has.  Matthew is more athletic naturally but he has another side to him too.  This sensitive little boy side that loves his Mommy and Daddy and Sister.  He dotes on his dogs and gets emotional during a sad story.  I am not saying that Kevin is or is not like this, I am just saying...

Marisa is definitely more of jump into the water then see how the deep the water is kind of a person.  She is a strong tough little girl with little fear or regard for bodily harm to herself or others around her.  She likes to read and read and read and read.  She loves LOVES loves horses and dogs and cats and chickens and if we lived on a farm why that would suit her just fine.  She likes to organize and clean and will laugh easily at everything.  She sees the humor in life.  She wants to be a part of the party if not the center of the party.  She will easily wave at people she does not know and walk up to them and hug them with no fear.  She can catch and hit a ball better then Matthew and she knows how to swim better then Matthew at this age because she just sticks her head in the water, no fear.  She eats sand and dirt and laughs her ever loving arse off about this.  She is wickedly one minded when she has a task to do be it getting ice out of the ice maker or putting on a shirt/pants herself. 

I know some of this is just being almost 2.  Some of this will likely change and yet I can still see me in her.  I can she the evil twinkle in her eye and I think 'umm I know that twinkle'.  That twinkle got me the nickname 'PC' in college (problem child).  She is like a mirror sometimes both for good and bad.  Genetics are weird.  I know that Kevin will soon come out in her just like Matthew has a bit of me (dramatic much?) but really my point is getting through the next 1/2 a year without selling her to the gypsies or something nice like that!

I am trying with all of my might to stay in the here and now.  I am working hard to remember that this too shall pass and that she is not always like this.  We have fun and sweet times too.  That she is totally attached to my hip to the point where she pushes Kevin away and won't kiss him and wants to only have Mommy change her diaps and I kind of like that she needs me and wants me and that I am not complaining about.  It is the devil girl, the 'I have four molars coming in and I can be whiny if I wanna be' girl, the 'once I am up Mommy it is time to eat eat eat, not go back to sleep like a good girl' girl, and the 'I like to play in heavy traffic and giggle like fiend about this because WOW look how red Mommy's face gets' girl, the 'Oh Mommy's face also gets really red when I try to touch the hot stove and then she yells and that is super funny' girl. 

Above all of this, she is still my baby, my wee bug, my little Junie B.   And I love her.
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