Friday, July 9, 2010

Spinning Like A Top

Things can change quickly.  Like a top spinning faster and faster then suddenly toppling over to a stop, the change from spinning to clattering stop can be shocking.  That is how I am feeling today.

I hardly ever feel that way.  To lift from the deep, dark well into light so quickly.  It is making my head spin just like that top.

I want to be thrilled with the possible changes that will happen in our lives in the coming months.  I want to shout from the hill tops about how wonderful this new possibility is, that was presented to me on seemingly a silver platter.  The new possibility of some freedom and the ability to still be viable in a way I want to be. 

But I feel tentative about it.  It feels too good to be true.  I am shocked like the quiet of the top tumbling to a stop.  And yet I also feel a little like a plant that is finally getting water, the need and thirst I was feeling is being satisified, I am feeling good and I am feeling back.  Stronger than before.  With a cool refreshing breeze blowing on my hot, tired face.

Less pull in all directions, more function.  Better timing.  Being there for them, for those who need me the  most and I want to be better for them, all of them. 

I am feeling hopeful again on the turn of that spinning top.  Keep spinning, oh please keep spinning.
Working out has been an up and down situation for me.  I am definitely pulled by emotions right now.  Trying to focus on the moment with my kids, or my work, or my husband - only those three things keep my attention.  Feeling that is all I can concentrate on well.  I have been working out with stops and starts, mostly eating poorly in between.  This week I have managed to put together two runs and a 45 minute bike session with plans for two more runs tonight and Sunday morning all while STILL eating poorly.  Oh well.

Last night, it was steamy hot and I was trying to beat the rain before it arrived.  We figured I had about 30 minutes before it started to rain so off I went.  I had the iPod playing one set for one song that I really wanted to hear (Journey - Don't Stop Believin' - WHA? Am cheesy, I know) then I remembered I uploaded some new songs to another set and I really wanted to listen to those songs (Eminem thankyouforasking whom I have had/have a crush on since like FOREVER... shut it.  I like bad boys who can rap swear... apparently!)

Any who, I turned in a neighborhood and started to fiddle with the iPod.  I knew the sidewalk was uneven so I slowed down to the slowest jog/walk and suddenly with a very audible grunt, I tripped.  I caught myself before I fell down but my face was totally going for the ground faster then the rest of me!  ACK!  I muttered to myself about being foolish girl.  FTLOG... I totally learned my lesson.  Stop running/walking/jogging when adjusting one's iPod.

That is my official public service announcement for the weekend.  Happy weekends to all.

PS: I made it home before the rain - a3 miles 27 minute run!  A first in a long ass time.  WOO-HOO!!
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