Thursday, September 23, 2010

My Legs Are On Fire

I have not been updating my accountability
on running/working out as of late.

Most of it is due to time,
and the lack there of. In a good way!

Running last week was
the worst in my training program thus far.
There is that saying: Walk the walk, talk the talk.
I am trying to do this even
through crazy schedules and illnesses.
It is hard to do some weeks.

I missed two days due to Kevin’s hockey schedule.
I made up one day on Friday
and then I got sick. Just a head cold
but that combined with the kids
being sick led me down a path of no running
Side note: I almost always think of Miss Piggy
when I say pigging out.
Weird, right?

I am back on track this week
and I re-worked my running schedule
to make up for the lost 10 mile run from last Saturday.
One thing I have noticed is how my pants
are fitting differently lately in a good way.
This is odd given the fact
that I have been eating poorly.
That whole bag of candy corn?
Down my pie hole – go me!

I think some of the pants fitting
better is that I am always moving these days.
When I worked full time,
I was much more sedentary,
I ate more and I had less energy.
Now I am going and I am always going at mock speed.
I work hard at work and I work hard at home.
I cannot think of the last time I just sat down to sit.
I always have something going and
I have to say I love it.
I feel better about life this way I am discovering.
Even if that slightly fueled
by mass amounts of caffeine and sugar!

I made a conscious decision
a while back to live life to the fullest
because it is the only life I have,
why wait for it to come to me.
Live and let live with no excuses, just results.
My boss had her port put in yesterday
to start chemo next week for 16 weeks.
I adore my boss in case
I have never mentioned it.

As I was running last Saturday I was stopped
at a cross over on a main road by a funeral procession.

Forgive me, let me back track a tad, earlier that day,
we participated in a cancer run as a family.
We all wore our Barb’s Angels t-shirts
from another cancer walk in honor of K’s mom.
The previous year, I actually ran the 5k
for my husband’s mother
and it was very hard.
I did not anticipate how hard this year would be.

For the past four years,
I have literally been SURROUNDED by death and cancer.
I hate Cancer.
I saw a fireman at the run
and he was getting his picture taken.
He had a shirt that I want to get.
It simply read ‘F@CK CANCER’.
I agree. Dammit, cancer sucks.

As I watched this funeral procession go by
the day suddenly got hotter, the sun seemed to hurt my eyes
and I was overwhelmed by it all.
I sobbed my eyes out standing there
waiting for the funeral procession to go by.
It was embarrassing.
Me all sweaty at the end of my fifth mile
sobbing like a baby on the side of the road.
Then I pulled myself together and finished my run.
It is coincidence that I started
running not long after K’s mom passed away.
I was determined to change my life,
to show my kid’s a better way of life, and
ultimately to feel better at the end of the day.

For me, running has become cathartic form of therapy.

I can think about the day behind me and the days ahead,
I write blog posts in my head that I would never actually post,
I write stories that I will one day have time to put on paper,
I rehash bad moments and good ones,
I talk to myself about the past, present and future.
I repeat mantras to myself,
deeply ingraining them in my brain.

I run through rainy days and hot oppressive summer days
and achingly beautiful fall days
where the birds are chirping,
the leaves are crackling under foot,
and it smells heavenly on that trail.

I run through aches and pains.
I run though illnesses and health.
I love to run.
It helps make my heart sing.
My legs are on fire all the time… and I love it.

Why do I love it so and respect it
more than I ever have in my whole life?

Because I am lucky enough to be alive and healthy and able to do it...
That is why.
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