Thursday, January 27, 2011

Sometimes

Sometimes my heart sings for no reason & it is like an explosion of beauty and happiness.
I see my kid’s smiles, laughter, and sadness.
I see how great running and jumping and playing is and I am glad we do it a lot.
I see the future in them.
I see my heart running around on the playground, in the library, in our house, their rooms.
I see beauty in them that I never knew existed.
I see their silly behavior, the laughter that they create and roles they try on like a shirt.  Doctor, Vet, Mechanic, Explorer, Football/basketball/baseball hero, Mother, Chef...
I see my babies changing into little humans who have the potential to change the world given the chance.
I see that I can only offer them the options to do this.

Sometimes my heart breaks for a million little reasons.
I see that I cannot force my kids to be great.
I see that I cannot dream for them, they have to dream for themselves.
I see the media and I feel an intense sadness for my children’s future.
I see the extremes in the weather and I know that it is happening, that definitively the earth is changing.
I see how sloppy we are as a society with everything.
I see how mean people can be to people thus teaching our kids can be mean to other kids.
I see my fears for them and shove it back down inside of myself.

Sometimes I know.
I know that if I do not let go of it all, their hearts will never know how to sing for no reason and they will not see the beauty of this world and they will not reach their potential.
I know that letting go is hard.
I know that letting that little boy shove my little boy down at recess every day is hard but it will be okay. He will learn. He will learn. He will learn.
I know I can offer him the words he needs to learn to stop the pushy kids from being pushy.
I know that anger is anger; and words are words, that giving them the ability to use their anger and words in the right way is how I will in turn change the world, a little bit at a time.
I know that he will learn to read and add and subtract and do differential equations all in good time.
I know I should not rush it.
I know he and she will become who they want to become no matter what I do.
I know that teaching them to reduce, reuse, recycle will benefit all of us in this world, a little bit at a time.
I know that today I want to make a noise with my life and I want that noise to matter. I want to teach them that as well.
I know that today is today and I am enjoying them as they are, not who they will be or how we think we can make them be. I am not worrying or rushing or lingering on what is and what is not.

I know that I love them without conditions.
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