Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Action Reaction Action Reaction

I think being a sort of negative the glass is half empty kind of person is part of my nature, either genetically encoded in me or learned from various early sources in my life.  I have tried for years to change this though lately I have come to realize that trying and doing are like totally two different things.  Ha. 

I was thinking about the past two posts and I thought how negative they must have sounded.  I really am tired of playing the part of Santa/Easter bunny/etc because it's a lot of work the hiding and pretending and the sense that I am sort of lying to them but in the same breath I love LOVE it and I know once it is gone it will be gone for good.  It is kind of like when the baby is just born and all you can think about is getting eight hours of sleep and than suddenly one day you are getting eight hours of sleep a night and your baby is all "dude Tony Hawk is so cool!" (Actual quote from my beloved baby) 

Same goes for the sickly post.  I am tired of the sickies in our house but, on the flip side, it is just life.  It feels ucky and frustrating but nothing that I am not equipped to handle.  I guess I mostly do not want to come off as whiny or feeling sorry for myself or... or negative (!) because while I might present one side of my story often I have other thoughts about things as well.  Like happy nice thoughts about wonderful things but I tend to present the negative side. 

I realize with writing there is a tone just like when we speak.  I tend to write the side that is more negative, sarcastic, sometimes I am half joking or all joking but sometimes it is the dark side of me showing.  The side that tends to dip into sadness and depression.  The side I most often tap into when I write which is kind of why I have not actually written much here lately.  Tapping that dark side tends to mean I am sad and depressed and well UGH and boo hiss to that.

I used to drive my poor mother batty.  She strongly disliked sarcasm.  She would tell me that sarcasm would only cause me trouble in my life if I kept it up.  Of course, I was 16 and 20 and 23 (and possibly 32...) and I did not believe it her.  I am finally ready to believe her.  Sarcasm is funny and fun but there is a time and a place for it.  I am hoping to present a more positive side, tone, energy here and in general in my life.

My boss recently mentioned something about using negative references with regards to my work and how that was the old "me".  I shrugged my shoulders after she walked away.  I wanted to ignore her and be annoyed that she felt I had changed, that I was more positive and that I was never THAT negative.  Than I laughed.  I was getting all het up for no reason.  Nothing.  She was being nice and patting me on the back for actually changing for the better.  She was telling me that being positive is okay and using it to my advantage is a good thing.  So I am taking action and doing it, for real this time, in the same way I did at work, in my life.

The hardest part about change is that we slip.  We fall into old patterns.  Like me using negative wording on a silly little work document.  Like saying OH not looking forward to being the Easter Bunny or whatever.  I am okay with slippage.  What I am not okay with is not acknowledging that I made the mistake and working on changing!  I click my glass to you.  Hopefully it is glass filled with whatever you like in it and I say "cheers here's to positive thinking!"
Post a Comment