Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Doubting Thomas

'I feel like I am not doing the job I was meant to do.'

That "attitude" has often been trouble for me.

I half-ass things thinking this.  I talk myself into believing there must be more out there for me 'to do'.

The truth is I am in the best place doing the best thing and I need to remember that.

I need to change my attitude about the job I do because I truly enjoy it.

Sure it stresses me out, it can make me feel tired/angry/frustrated at times but mostly it is an amazing opportunity that I take for granted daily.

I know when I turn that little voice off in my head and throw myself into this job; I do better at the job.

It actually pays off and I am successful.

That little niggling voice in my head that say “you can’t” rises up and wins.

Dammit.  I have to stop that... or I will fail. every time.

I am good at what I do in my job without a doubt. 

I am good at what I do in general. I need to stop the doubt.  Stop the glass half empty 'tude.

Life is SO full, so amazing, so wonderful.  And I am lucky for all that I have.

I am a good mother.

I am a good wife.

I am a good recruiter.

There are always things I could do better. I could make a list so long it would make our eyes hurt and bleed to read!  Friends I do not stay in touch with and things that I not accomplish around the house, blah blah blah.  Turning off that noise is so hard.

I need to be great at the above three things (work, my relationship and my family/kids) and stop beating myself up for all of the other things I feel I am failing at. The perfectionism that I grew up believing I needed is so unfounded and it has done nothing for me.

This post… these lines… they are tiresome. I have been trying to tell myself this for years. I have let this 'I could be better than I am being' mindset ruin me over the years.

But the times I have let it go, I have done so much, I have been great and achieved greatness.

I think we humans are our own worst enemies. We torture ourselves and most of what we torture ourselves with is in our own pretty little heads.

I need to own who I am and trust and believe that I am good at what I set my mind to being good at.

I need to make these changes now for her as much as for me.
{{Pony Party!}}

So she has a role model, a strong vibrant happy role model, that she is proud of.

I need to stop with the old belief that there is more to life, that I could do better, that I not doing what is good right now.  I just need to be and believe I am great... that is hard, these are old things I have lived with my whole life.  To take a stance and change them now is a step but it is only a step if I actually do it.

I need only look into those amazing sea blue eyes and see this, know this and finally at the end of the day, it is all lip service if I do not believe this.

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