Friday, February 10, 2012

Getting Better

I have been pondering a lot lately and thinking 'ohh I want to write a post about this or that...' but I am generally not able to write said post because I am driving to the gym for a 7 mile run and I know the after of that will look like me sitting on the couch drinking a glass of very sweet sugary chocolate milk and zoning out on Revenge (you know you watch it!)  Or I am at work... which I am right now but this morning like many lately was hellish at best. 

I went to bed too late.  Both kids had me up last night. For one child, getting back to sleep at 3:00p was a toss and turn and chatting with Mommy and Daddy about it all for an hour before one parent who was not feeling well (me) went to get some sleep on the couch.  We overslept. 

M Bug is sick and he had a fever of 102 yesterday after school.  M Bug's fever went down last night but not by much and both of his ears are hurting, crackling every time be swallows, and generally he is just feeling miserable.  K called me just a bit ago to tell me M Bug's temp is creeping back up. 

Missy has been a bear every morning for a few weeks.  She does not want to get up/get dressed/eat breakfast/get her coat on/get in the car/go to daycare.  Sometimes it is just 1-2 of those things but today it was all of those things.  She cried a lot about Santana which has me a little up in arms in terms of how to deal with that subject. 

This morning the scenario was this.  K got mad at me when I said something to him like 'you should only give her one pancake at a time, she has too much on her plate to eat in a short time frame.' I think he feels I am berating his parenting skills perhaps?  I am not.  I am just pointing out too much, too little time, please do less next time given how long she takes to eat/get ready/brush her teeth/get out the door. 

I suppose I could find a better time to point this out to him.  However the rate at which I forget stuff these days I usually just point it out right then.  I need to stop that.  I end up mad and yell-y.  K ends up mad and yell-y.  The kids look miserable.  I feel bad for the rest of the day and it just sucks.

This may seem like an odd segue into the next topic but it is really a setup for the next topic, I think?

I have also recently noticed possibly because of Facebook that many people my age are divorcing.  They have been married long enough to know one another for a bit and then have kids so their kids are my kid's ages or a little older.  Most of the people seem to be between the ages of 35-45 and many have been married for as long as a decade and as little as five years. 

The thing about marriage that became more infinitely clear to me was having kids both cannot cure anything that ails a relationship AND it heightens issues that were not there prior to the children being conceived.  K and I have a pretty fun and relaxed relationship overall.  We put up with and even find the other's idiosyncrasies sort of endearing.  But having kids made me realize something about him that I would have never known that K yells... a lot when he is mad about something like the kids not listening to him.  Or he might not have knows that I laugh when the kids are being bad sometimes because if I do not laugh I will cry which drives him batty.  Or I harp on him about stuff that has to do with the kids and he feels attacked by me which makes him angry.

We tend to work out whatever it is that is bothering us or these things are ongoing.  They are just part of who we are and the families we were raised in.  I think that part is hard on marriages though.  I went into having kids thinking it would be SO different from how I was raised and it is different.  The obvious thing, the thing I did not think about, is that even though I have removed some my family issues, I add different new ones.  My point is there is no perfect.  Men and women alike do not necessarily like to talk about that when it comes to their marriage.  I wonder if people put aside the ideal of perfection and we all talked about the imperfection how much better this would be on our relationships as a whole. 

We might talk about the crappy start to our morning but even if we do not it does not define our whole relationship. We will let go and move on.  And if it is bothering either of us, we will talk about it.  That one morning does not define our lives, the 12 years we have spent together nor will be allow it to roll forward and define everything we do from here on out.  Neither of us hold on to anger like that but sometimes just laying it out, knowing it is real, that it was a crappy start is good to acknowledge too.  It was one of those days and it will get better. 

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