I do know there have been moments in this past year most of all where I wondered if we were okay. Would we make it? I pondered on this and struggled through it. I believe that is the hard part about marriage. It is not all rainbow and roses. I am sure that any person who says that about a relationship is just not present in their relationship or they are smoking crack. This had nothing to do with a specific act or moment, just sometimes both of our shortcomings and the stress of being parents to two young people and our own inability to show the right emotions at the right time has made this past year the most difficult, for me anyway.
I say that in the past tense because those moments when I questioned and felt so badly about things occurred right after our last anniversary. I think this past year has been stressful and I think in seeing our way through that stress, we are stronger and more united than we were before. My love for K is and was and will always be very deep and strong. I know I drive him crazy with my own issues and my need to talk things through. Of course, he does have his own part in this relationship and sure I would love for him to talk more and listen better, to not yell at the kids and work on calmness but the truth is we are more ying and yang. It is okay that he is not exactly like me and he balances me and I believe that is true the other way. it is what makes us work and will continue to make us work.
Happiness is not even the best word to explain the moments that make me smile. K is funny, witty and self-depreciating. He takes good care of us and the kids light up when he walks in. He plays hard and works hard. He is the rock in our family. He does so much and this year he had allowed me to run. To run a half marathon, a marathon and multiple 5k races. He’s given me the time to train. And I am forever grateful, beyond words, to him for that gift.
We talked recently about our five year goal. What do we really want? Has it changed? What is next? Where do we go from here? I thought we would be in two different places. We were not. We both agreed that moving from where are to another location was not going to happen. We both want our kids to stay here in this town and grow up. The second was that we both need to succeed and exceed our expectations in our jobs. There were several other points but it felt so amazing to be on the same page, the same place, that he was/is.
My Dad once told me I needed to be more like a duck. You know how ducks are. They float on the top of the water swimming along and they look so calm and peaceful but under the water their feet are going frantically to keep them afloat. It was such an amazing image for me. K always reminds me about this when things get rough in our lives. He will simply say 'be a duck honey'. Well, I told him this year that I was so glad that he is my mallard J
Happy Ninth Anniversary K!!