Friday, August 17, 2012

Middle Class Country Song?

Over the past six months, my life has basically been a fucking country song.

Seriously.

I started thinking about this the other day about the time I lost the fucking BRAND NEW credit card while on a trip to the grocery store.  When I discovered I lost the card, I had an ugly cry.  While sitting on the toilet. AT WORK.  My co-workers could hear me.  K talked me off the ledge. 

But really... I have lost my beloved pet to cancer.  I still cry about him.  Rainbow bridge my ass.

I have essentially been fired from my job.  Not technically. I mean I still have my job at the same company that has induced more blood, sweat and tears than I ever imagined I would give to any one place or the people who employ me.

Not only did I lose "my job" but I lost it to someone whom I thought was my friend (I missed typed that and would FIEND - SEE?!) who turned out to be a douche bag of the highest level.  To the Nth degree. I just like typing to the Nth degree. I do not even know what that means.

I am dumb. 

That's what I get for trusting people {{AGAIN}}.  Fuckers.

I am on tap to make the LEAST amount of money I have ever made in said job due to stupidity and lameness that I truly want blame on others but the root of the issue is ME ME ME.

I developed a strange red rash on my neck this week and the acne I've had the past year (THREE!) at the age of thirty-eight is worse than when I was fourteen. WTF?!  WORSE?  I blame this my sister.  I blame a lot of things on her because she not around to defend it.  Hardee har.  I do not really blame anything on my seester.  Hormones and genetics are a bitch.  TOTALLY COULD BE A LINE IN COUNTRY SONG.  Or a bad rap song...

My kid has panic attacks over clouds and he thinks he is going to die.  No I kid you not.  Yesterday during the largest storm we've had in months, he came to be with panic and fear in his eyes and no shit he was sweating holding his side and told me "Mooommeee, I AM DYING.  Where's Daaadeee?  He will help me. I am dying... wailllll"  Because I am a bitchy Mommy who does care but seriously how do I calm him down.  HOW?  I have tried it all.  AND I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF FRYING EFFING BACON WITH GREASE SPLATTERING EVERYWHERE.  Than five minutes later in his undies he was running wind sprints and laughing.  LAWD HELP ME.

The other smaller child?  WILL NOT SLEEP.  She went from my perfect angel child who always  slept well (or better than her brother) to not...

There is not enough time in the day.  Breathing?  Who needs to breath.  Very overrated. 

We need new carpet in our house and the thought of dealing with that process... well that makes me SHUDDER.

My bathroom is unclean, like toxic waste zone unclean, and all of the bedding in the house needs to be cleaned.  I hate laundry.  HATE IT.

We tend to have lots of social engagements in the Fall - social anxiety goes into full effect which makes me feel like crap and sad and OMG I AM DYING {where does he get that from anyway!?)

It is an election year and PAUL RYAN.  GAWD.  I mean really?  He is the male Michele Bachmann people. Oh goody every time I watch Grimm or Person of Interest I will be overrun with snotty expensive and very lame ads.

Two words: Global Warming.  (WHY OH WHY DID I READ THE ROAD?!) Bah.

See. Middle Class FUCKING Country Song.





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