Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Like Pregnancy but without the baby

This post is not for the men of this world.  Unless you are married and your wife is reaching her later 30s into her early 40s (or she is older as I have learned from all of my research that some women do not go through this till they are older which at this juncture in my journey would be lucky to me since I am miserable!)

So Perimenopause is like Pregnancy only much, much worse and I do not get a sweet smelling, charming little human being from perimenopause.

The fuck?

I assume that I am and have been in the early throes of perimenopause for a while not.  The racing heart that comes when I am not anxious.  The insanely terrible periods I have experienced.  The shitty sleep AND the night sweats are friggin' uncool Robert Frost.  AND I have these fucked up muscle/bone issues that I swear have amped up in the past two years not just from running.  I am moody and/or depressed as hell.  And while this is something I have struggled with my entire life, it seems so much worse now.  Like I have a large pebble in my shoe as the mood swings/depression is harder to shake than it was before and I see it happening in front of the kids and I cannot stop it.  It is like watching a shitty movie but I am not able to leave the theater and I am just mortified as it happens.  Of course, after I go through the moody spell (momentarily sometimes) it is gone like the wind and one NEVER KNOWS when it will reappear or for how long or how bad it will be next time. I will not go into details but my poor husband must think I do not love him/have lost interest in him. I have not. I am just like eh?  I am told there are weight gain issues - fuck you perimenopausal weight gain. I will not let you happen. The end.  My hair is zee crazy.  It is graying faster than I can stand it and it falls out and the new gray hair that is taking the place of my falling out hair is wiry and icky and oh by the way I am getting my hair colored this weekend because fuck that if I am going to turn gray now at 39! To add insult to injury, bloatation, headaches, tenderness and other related issues in places I am not happy about have been common this past year.  AND SO...

See.  Perimenopause.  Like pregnancy without the baby.

It sucks.

I guess the good news is that all women are in the same boat as me and eventually you all will experience this.  Also, I am not alone.  And it cannot possibly last forever, can it?  Well research tells me TWO to TEN YEARS.  Oh. MA. GAW.

Charming.

I am taking vitamin D as I have heard that helps with joint troubles.  I need to look into some form of calcium replacement too.  I believe some of the running issues are stemming from bone and joint issues caused by this... or I am just old and washed up.  Either way trying vitamins again.

As an aside, my mother went through menopause very early. I think she was in full menopause by her early 40s (43 I want to say...) and I believe my sister was similar.  She is ten years older than me and I think she was done by her early 40s. I have nothing to back this up but I have a feeling genetics play a part in this.  So if you can ask your mother, it might be worth it to know when she went through it.  At least you might have a slight idea of the time frame based on her experiences.

Any who, that is all.  It is no fun, it is what it is, every woman will go through this eventually, and I am lucky enough to do it early. Giddy-up and yeeee-HAW.
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