Friday, October 4, 2013

Getting the trail back on the rails... again

Hrmmmf. I want to write here. I do. I want to share my life in a way that is meaningful and interesting and yet? I never do. It takes a lot out of me to do this.  I used to do it because it was an outlet but as I started to run I lost the need to write about life and post pictures and do any of it any more.  Now that I am stumping around in this boot with an injury and I am unable to run I feel I have lost my outlet.  But writing is draining.  It is emotional and derail me sometimes.  It is like the well of emotions from which I draw is deep and it is hard to crawl back out of that depth sometimes.  Especially the past few years where my anxiety, depression and short temper combined has proven to be an awful combination.

One of the great things to come from not running is that I have taken a step back from that process.  I realize now that I was treating my body the way I have grown used to treating it - with little regard and love.  I was pushing way to hard and ramp up the mileage without following the rules.  I mostly ignored the rules blatantly and did harm to myself. I have been working fairly hard on how to develop a better core and riding the recumbent bike humbly.  I actually really like lifting weights - it is one of those things you cannot rush through and it feels pretty good to redevelop muscles.  I have been experimenting with planking, push ups, and different ways to do sit ups.  It was hard at first to not run but it has become easier because I know that I will come back a stronger healthier runner. I have learned a lot from injury process and I hope to use that to convert into better runs.

I am standing on the EDGE of 40.  Next Friday will mark t minus 30 days until I turn 4-0.  I guess I am pretty comme ci, comme ├ža about it all.  I think I felt more like what am I accomplishing in my life feelings through my mid-30s so that as I step into my 40s I am generally just a happy gal.  I realized that you can have it all and still have nothing and it does not matter what age you are - 20, 30, 40, 50... Also, that we create our own happiness and we can define that happiness however we want to.  

We are excited that in the next year or so we will have entirely paid our house of.  It is the most exciting thing I cannot share with people.  HA.  I mean I can here on the the Internet because I do not know you people and besides who even reads or views this dribble besides me!  We have worked hard to get that paid off.  Our largest debt that we owe and I am forever grateful for K and his ability to manage money and stick to the plans we laid out well over the 13 years we have spent together.  I am proud of him for that because I assume knowing me I would have strayed away from that goal but with him we have done this.  It will largely give us freedom from that payment and the ability to really focus our money where we want to - early retirement which has been the plan all along.  Neither of us wanted to "work" until we died and while I hated having to work when the kiddos were babies I also completely see the value in not opting out.  I am infinitely grateful for his strength sometimes over those early years with the kids he carried us both.

Those kiddos... Oh how life can seem to crawl by and suddenly you look around and it was really flying past.  I have to almost pinch myself in Missy's presence.  She is five.  FIVE.  I still view her as a baby or a little rough and tumble toddler and I have to remind myself that she is a little girl, not that baby.  She is charming and lovely as always though there are have been some normal rough moments with her.  When she is tired or hungry or both she is a bear and she is so happy and light that when she melts down we are like OH that is the problem which is often too late so that she is in an infinite loop of screaming and sobbing and not listening and we are working on this...  She is loving school and I feel like that last minute decision to put her into K was the best one we have made in a long time.  She is right where she should be and I am happy that she is happy about being in school.  She is taking ballet and swimming and will go back to hockey this winter.  And I know she is uber excited to try out soccer in the spring of 2014 to be just like her big brother!

M Bug. He is my buddy.  He is just rockin' eight.  He is in grade three and he has a fabulously challenging teacher.  It is a lot of hard work but in true M Bug fashion he's risen to the occasion and working very hard to get the work and of the million reasons I love M Bug this is one of them.  He decided to "try out" for student council and made it as an "alternate" which means he gets to go to meetings if he is so inclined.  His first one was last night and he loved it!  So proud of him - I was uber shy at his age and never would have considering standing up in front of mates to give a speech about why they should choose me for student council.  He is playing travel soccer and while it has been a smidgen of a struggle here and there soccer really is the sport he knows best and excels at.  Even though getting there has been trouble once he is there he is happy and content and loves it.  Travel and house hockey start up soon for him too.  He told me much to my chagrin that he does not want to do the track club in the spring. I was sad to here this but I do understand.  It is a lot.  School wise he is doing well.  It is the year of the testing which absolutely drives me nuts.  All told he will have technically have FOUR major tests (NWEA, the ALPS placement test, and two I-step tests one in the fall and one in the spring.)  Blerg.  In my opinion I think the testing is overkill and if we focused less on the tests and more on the teaching we would have far more intelligent children who get more from their learning environment but that is another topic for another time.  

So that is my catch up post. I am sure I am missing a pile of things but that is all I have for right now.  Hopefully six more months do not go past before I write again.  Eh well if it does, it does!


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