I crawled out my cozy nook of covers this morning and shook the sleep our my bed clothes. I climbed into the shower allowing the warm water to wake me up, my eyes are closed and the buzz of sleep still humming in my brain. I jumped out of the shower and hurry to dress and drag my bags to the kitchen. I did the usual morning things - vitamins for the kids, make the beds, grab the Monday morning trash to go out. I dashed around the bathroom again. Drying my hair, applying make-up, checking the clothes I put on for work to be sure they were on straight. I dashed back to Missy's room to help her dress. I gave her hugs and snuggles and we talked a little, mostly her asking me questions and me coming up with foggy morning minded answers. I swept into the bathroom to get their toothbrushes ready and back to the kitchen to grab some breakfast. At 7:29 M Bug sounded the alarm, time to go, time to go. I dragged out a winter coat and scarf because seemingly overnight it is colder than before. We all tumbled out the garage door in a flurry of coats and shoes and backpacks and hugs and kisses good-bye. Out we went into the world, me driving my two greatest achievements into the brilliant winter sunrise to our friend's house before school fielding questions and listening to thoughts and joking that the littlest little's button is stuck on repeat because she is singing a little off tune Happy Birthday to you to me over and over again.
I am forty today.
It seems impossible. It seems like the time has simply slipped away and I still often feel younger than that age up there. I have over the past years been alternately fearful and excited about "aging up". Today I just feel like it is normal. Just a number and really not the huge deal I thought it might be way back when I was 36 or 37. I used to think 40 would mark some grown up thing. Like I would magically be an adult and everything before this was just practice at becoming an adult. Now I just know that is not true and being an adult is not as fun or wonderful as I thought when I was a wee girl and so I am enjoying just being me which not so much about how I look or what number my age says but how I feel and look on the inside.
I am happy today.
I could not ask for a more amazing life. I would not change any part of how I have lived my life because it got me to this place, this me, and I love all of that, the good, the bad, the ugly and the beauty of this life. Someone asked me if I felt different today. Not really. Maybe because I have been preparing for it. Thinking about this age, considering it, and mulling it all over. I do not mourn the end of my thirties so much as look back and celebrate it. I am leaving behind an amazing and wonderful decade for another amazing and wonderful decade to come. I had got married to my fabulous husband, I had the fortune of meeting and getting to know my two most amazing creations, I found a job that has been both life changing and difficult all at once, I own a home, I have two dogs (plus one little angel doggy) that are a part of my family, I get to enjoy my life and travel and I have made and grown new and old friendships all in my 30s. Is there more or less or greater or better things I could have done? Not really, no. I mean yes for others there may be but for me, no. I am content and happy with my life.
Tell me, what is it that you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? ~ Mary Oliver
FOUR-OH. I am happy, thrilled even, to see what another decade brings to my life.