Thursday, January 30, 2014

Re-emerging

After my last post the proverbial shit hit the fan and things just sort of fell to bits (to me) in my world.  It started out with a shitty email from my Mom about the Christmas gift I got her and went from there.  I was initially angry then sad then I felt bad. I wrote her an email back that was kind but honest -something I have not ever done.  Usually I would just sit and be angry/upset/sad or I would write an angry mean email. This time I did neither and felt much better.

I dropped that boot like it was hot (er a hot potato... that thing sucked!) But I was disappointed to realize how much my foot still hurt having been unused mostly for 16 long weeks.  That realization that I still have a long recovery period was a tough pill to swallow.

I was tired, work was dragging, things were not going the way I'd hoped at work by the end of the year and work related stuff just seemed to get worse.  Missy got sick (Strep) then so did I.  The kids were exhausted yet hyper for Christmas which always seems to make them bicker even more than usual and I was sick.  SICK. Did I mention sick?  Oy with the sick.  We had my in-laws with us at New Year's and it was good but kind of weird.  And a lot of travel for Hockey that was not a huge deal but just added to that sense of the deep winter blues.

Any who, the first part of January was better mentally for me but both kids got... sick (Strep again).  M Bug had strep throat that manifested itself into this Scarlet Fever type rash and it took him out for an entire week.  Poor kid.  The snow and cold temps kept the kids home for another few days so January was mostly a wild bust in some ways.

The good news is that while January has been a weird month, I really came out of the work haze recently and realized that I needed to focus.  Focus every bit of myself on work to accomplish my goals this year. Still writing this at work is sort of an unfocused thing... that is okay. I had to get ONE post in for January 2014!)

On the other hand, my house is dusty and dirty and the fitness goals I set out that I miraculously managed to hang onto until I got sick in December have kind of gone to the way side. I am fighting to get back to working out.  M Bug is going a track "club/class" so it gives me the opportunity to workout while he is running and I can do that 12 week plan to get back to running at least two days of the week.  I reassessed my goals and I would still like to get down to at least 125 weight wise. I am curious about body-fat and I am considering getting that tested.  I decided that core was the only thing I can really focus on right now anyway.

Every 20 (ahem 30) minute run I have done makes my foot hurt.  Not in the places it hurt before but the ligaments around my heel hurt mostly and I am terrified to re injure the stupid thing because NO NO NOT THAT BOOT!  No amount of stretching seems to make that stop.  My worst fear is never running again like I was.  I have sort of been fighting away those fears with all of my might.  I will run again.  That is what I have been telling myself.  I can and will.  It just need to be patient.  So ABS I will have even if I cannot run a marathon any time soon.  In all seriousness, I am loving that some of the flab I hated before is slowly melting away.  I am also amazed at how far I let that go and how long it takes to rebuild muscles/lose flab that seems at home where it is - I am working to evict it - NOW!  Honestly, I have zero desire to go do Crossfit or get all hard core into weightlifting but I am considering investing in some additional weights/kettle balls.  I like being stronger again and redefining my body in a way running never did.

As for my dusty dirty house, oh well.  I am trying to do a little bit at a time which has always been my mantra anyway.  I think it is this time of year when everything seems dirty and dusty when I get a little more anxious about things of that nature.  Spring is somewhere around that corner, I just know it!!

I do feel that sense of re-emergence.  I can run albeit a little bit at a time. I am seeing results from all of the hard work (Swimming, biking, rowing,weights, cross training). Slow results but results none the less.  I am enjoying time with the kids even the sick or stuck at home due to snow/extreme cold/ice time.  I am not sick and I no longer feel I am fighting the stress/anxiety at every turn that was so deeply effecting me last year (if anything depression is one thing I need to be aware and careful of - it is like a ninja in my world - out of no where it will kick me in the gut and take me down).  I am having fun at work now that there is a small core of fun younger people here.  I am going to succeed at work this year come hell or high water!  I am going to run again by the end of this year... or next year... or the year after!   Life is good.

I feel like butterfly!  HA.  Just kidding. (Sort of) (a stronger healthier butterfly) (still kidding) (ah moving on...)

This song is in a Nissan commercial of all the things but I heard it several months back and loved it! The other one is not in a commercial that I am aware of.  These two songs make me want to work/workout harder! Enjoy and enjoy. Oh and you are welcome too :)!






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