Friday, August 8, 2014


Over the years, I have contemplated many things on this here little blog.  I have discussed how I was going to change this or that or do this to change that. Blah blah blah.  I was considering this the other day because I really do want to write here more often. However, I did not want to write another 'I am doing this now' type posts only to either do it for one day or you know just not ever do it.  Or seemingly never do it because WHY on earth would I report back on things here especially when I really did accomplish something. That would be absurd!  I digress. 

I have been working on being gentler with myself internally (WTF?) I have been thinking about how hard I am trying all of the time and that has to count for something, right? Like for instance, I am trying to not be so judgmental to myself. I am trying to stay on the fitness track. I am trying to eat healthier. I am trying to be calmer with the kids when they start pushing my buttons and omg my PMS lasts for like two weeks a month these days and I cannot handle all this {{sob}} {{WAIL}}… ahem.  SO I am trying a lot more. I am working on saying that is enough. I am proud of that. I am proud of the hard work that I often put in.  AND I am easier on myself that I sometimes fail because the thing about failure sometimes is that I have chance to try again. 

I have had the same training plan on my fridge pretty much since May. It was a mere 5k training plan but summer plans and sicknesses and events kept mucking it up.  I had to re-set the plan multiple times.  Like okay I cannot run on this day so I will do the cross training and man I am tired like mad (see two weeks plus of PMS above) I am taking a break for a couple of days and I would have to start over.  Then I was about three weeks in having started this plan over at least six times and I realized it was too much. It was too much running too soon.  My foot still gets sore and began to wonder why am I pushing myself to go longer when what I really need to do is just start over.  It stinks to start over and the old me, the one who thinks in perfectionist terms and go hard or go home attitudes, would have pushed harder and gotten it done even if it hurt and I was miserable. I went back, printed off the beginning training plan and put that one on the fridge instead. I can start out lower in mileage and add on if I feel like it. I want to start with a solid base and build up. It makes more sense to go back and build a good base then just jump in and land myself back where I was - injured and miserable.

I am not very good at trying… I am better at doing or not doing. I think the thing that I am trying to do here is get over doing or not doing.  I am trying to just try things. It opens more doors; it makes me happier, it feels better, I am a stronger, better person for it.  It shoves the anxiety I often feel out of the way because rather than being fixated on the doing it or not doing it part, I am just trying things, for good or bad, I am trying.
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